White Cat Day
Thursday, 5 September 2024 15:36
White Cat Day is celebrated on 5 September.
If you are anywhere near a white cat, Belvedere and I advise you in the strongest possible terms to start appreciating it as hard as you can right now and do not slack off for the next 24 hours. If you have missed the deadline, don’t panic yet, you probably have a day in hand to get in some good grovel while the cat details its plans for the subjugation of the planet.
White cats are the signature accessory of monomaniacal supervillains the world over. That is what they like you to think. In reality, white cats control their supervillain sock-puppets’ every move. Maybe the blanche beauty you think of as ‘your cat’ is assembling a world-shattering nuclear arsenal under the birdbath, or is stealthily hacking into global security systems using your keyboard and a series of seemingly random paw haptics you fondly think is cute. You simply do not know. Do not risk it.
Belvedere snorts that I have gone full Blofeld, and there is no indication that real supervillains have white cats; but I say, how would we know?
Of course they look superior, they are even more superior than the rest of the feliverse. It’s nothing to do with breed-any cat can wear a white coat; villains are surprisingly democratic. Only about 5 percent of cats are white. And it is not because they have something wrong; it’s because of what they don’t have - melanin.
They are so smart and supervillainous, they don’t need to wear camouflage like common cats. They mostly have blue or pale yellow eyes, sometimes one of each, for disconcerting their enemies. A large number of them claim to be deaf (melanin does something important in the development of the ears). I am not convinced: they are probably not at all deaf, they just don’t want to listen to your pathetic sycophancy. Admire them. They have turned what might be seen as genetic disadvantage into a power tool. A bit like the Hapsburgs.
Despite cautious investigation (I used a public computer and a false ID), I can’t find out who started White Cat Day, and I probably don’t want to know. Feline omertà. We do know that in 1930 a group of high-powered cat lovers in the US established an exclusive club called 'The White Cat Club’. It focused on promoting and celebrating white cats and organizing cat shows and gatherings specifically for white cat enthusiasts. Great way for associates and cats to meet and network.
I’ll just point out that, as you know, Prohibition did not end in the USA until December 1933. Alternative entrepreneur Al Capone, disruptive and agile ahead of his time, was running the Chicago Outfit he co-founded in 1925 until 1931. He supplied liquor, among other things. And had a very efficient distribution system. I will say no more.
Happy White Cat Day.