As you will know from our post on 28 October, Clowder Press have asked us, as Brand Ambassadors, to synergise with Fantasy Premier League, a football game played online by almost 11 million punters all over the world.

So we compiled a team of players with cat connections. 

Our team, FC Clowder City entered the fray on Games Week 12 on 22 November, almost a third of the way through the season. 

On our debut, we gained 45 points (Thank you Mo Salah and Bukayo Saka). This is a solid start for  rookies. The average score was 49, so modest celebration called for, thank you. Keeping the same squad, we were hoping to do better in Game Week 13. Despite gaining 51 points, we actually saw a slight dip, as the average was 59.

Accordingly, some adjustments have been made. (You have to be ruthless in this game.) 

• OUT It was a wrench, but we transferred Kevin de Bruyne out. He is a supreme playmaker and cat fan, but does not garner many points; he is so far ahead of the game, strategically, often setting up assists to the assist that will end in a goal, and earn points. 

• IN We are bringing in Brennan Johnson of Tottenham Hotspurs, who is an on-form goalscoring midfielder. He qualifies for the team as he shares a name with Dr Johnson, owned by the fine cat Hodge. 

• Poor Tomiyasu Takehiro is out indefinitely with knee knack so we will bring in Milos Kertez of Bournemouth FC, because he is Hungarian, and Hungary is currently top of the CPP Index.   

Game Week 14 starts on Tuesday 3 December, for Reasons, We will keep you posted. 

The Clowder City Squad

Goalkeepers

•  Bernd Leno (Fulham FC)

Leno is owned by a cat whose name we have failed to ascertain.

• Alphonse Areola (West Ham United)

It was difficult finding another goalkeeper with a direct cat factor, so we have gone for Aphonse Areola of West Ham United, as he is French, and France is second on the CPP Index. There is an argument that all goalies are actually cats, as the skill set is much the same (agility, visual acuity, ability to jump in any direction from a standing start, ability to snatch or punch flying objects, ability to make self look big by bristling fur and standing side-on,  ability to use all four limbs, etc.)

Defenders

•  Ben Johnson (Crystal Palace)

Shares a name with Dr Johnson, butler to the cat Hodge.

• Tomiyasu Takehiro (Arsenal) 

Known as Tommy, short for Tom. Need we say more.

• Ruben Dias (Manchester City)  

His name is actually Cat: Rúben dos Santos Gato Alves Dias

• Luke Thomas (Leicester City)

Name of Thomas. Again, need we say more.

•  John Stones (Manchester City)

Rescued cat during the Qatar World Cup 2022

Midfielders

• Kevin de Bruyne (Manchester City)

Owned by family cat

• Joao Felix (Chelsea FC)

He’s called Felix, 

• Mykhailo Mudryk (Chelsea FC) 

Totally owned by Scottish Fold called Ronnie, whose portrait is on his shinpads.

• Mo Salah (Liverpool FC)

Famously owned by two Siamese beauties. Mo is Egyptian: of course he adores cats.

• Bukayo Saka (Arsenal FC}

His name means cat in Malagasy

Forwards

• Rodrigo Muniz (Fulham)

Associated with a cheetah, although tis may have been an ill-contrived publicity stunt. We may need to look again.

• Liam Delap  (Ipswich)

A bit desperate, but cats do lap…..

• Emmanual Dennis (Notts Forest) 

A random choice.

 It is very hard to find strikers with a cat connection, and Dennis is with us until we can find somebody with a higher feline factor.